Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You need Xanax blowdarts
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
