Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
