okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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