Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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