So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
