I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Damn victory sex feels great
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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