Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
