If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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