It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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