You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
