Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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