peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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