Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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