yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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