I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
