every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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