He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
there is glitter all over my balls
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
