so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
