I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
