State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
