Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
