Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
