I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
