My hand turned me down
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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