Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
