32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
