Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Can i not drive my cunt home
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
