Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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