Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
