I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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