Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
