a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also, beer. Big fan.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
