Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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