Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
