More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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