so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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