Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
