At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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