She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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