people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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