at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
