Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
