I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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