So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
