Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
