My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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