he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Small penises have feelings too.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
