But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You left your phone here
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