i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
