just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
