How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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