GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
