i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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