it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize