apparently the secret to your success is patron
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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