She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
