Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
there is glitter all over my balls
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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