i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize