Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
