his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
