apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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